A dear friend stated that she hated getting Christmas letters. "They make me feel bad because my family isn't like that. Our family doesn't do anything special," she said.
I've been thinking about the "Christmas letter spin" that lots of people use.
It's really simple. People lie. Fudge. Omit. Fib. Exaggerate. Delete. Embellish. Leave out.
We state only the good things that have happened to our families..and then stretch it out. Really stretch it out. We sound like the Brady Bunch, the Cosby's and the Cleavers all rolled into one.
I'm encouraging all of us to write a truthful letter this year. People would read these.
I have taken the best stories from close family and friends to give you some ideas for spicing up your own letters. For example:
1. Our eighth grader didn't get caught smoking cigars at school. We only caught him because he accidentally caught the woods on fire on his way home smoking the "said" cigar. We're lucky that his college fund will cover most of the fine and damages. (Not really, we used his college fund for a new Big Green Egg.). (Not really, we didn't even have a college fund.)
2. Decorating the house for Christmas a been a bitch. The cat keeps trying to crap in the Christmas tree holder. Meow!
3. We certainly had a fun tax season. Hopefully, I'll look good in stripes. Who knew you were supposed to keep receipts? I think that the IRS agent was impressed with my shoebox full of sales slips. He kept saying, "Really? Really?"
4. Our baseball season lasted an eternity. No one on the team had sense enough to carry guts to a bear. I was always happy when the batter ran towards first instead of third. They had cute uniforms though.
5. Bouncing checks is sure a lot easier than it used to be. Too much month at the end of the money is more than just a song title. Ka-ching, ka-ching!
6. All I want for Christmas is a little relief from gas. And I am not talking the price at the pumps!
7. Uncle Rolly got his Rogain mixed up with his Viagra. His hair is so stiff he can't keep a hat on his head.
8. We were going to go to Disney World this year for a family vacation but we thought the Indian Mounds would be more fun. Stay-ca-tions are another way to say "B-R-O-K-E".
9. My husband threw a stinky diaper out the window. He said that a $500 littering fine would be better than that eye- watering Huggie. You want to stop a war? Drop a load of those diapers on a country- everyone would be begging for mercy.
10. We were so tickled that the new parish priest came for coffee and cookies one Sunday afternoon. He was a sport when the dog came in the living room chewing on a jock strap from the dirty clothes. Bon Apetit!
11. We knew the priest was a keeper when little Jimmy asked him if he knew what you called a constipated dinosaur? Father said in his rich Irish brogue, "Ah, no son, I truthfully have no idea.". "Well, Father, you call them a collossil fossil with a plugged up aussil."
See, interesting, impressive AND somewhat truthful. Ho! Ho! Ho!
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