Animal Planet....or Welcome to my World!

Attendance at the Weaver's today:

Jack
Norman
Biggles
Raggs
Pawley
Mille
Bechett
And there's a nice neighborhood cat that shows up occasionally to see what's happening.

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So, Dan says, "Mom, you'd love chickens.  You could eat their eggs."

All I think about is chicken poop.

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I don't have fond childhood memories of chickens.  The first time I met a chicken, I thought they would act like the Little Red Hen.  It didn't.  It cut the fool.

In fact, it showed out so bad, the farm lady wrung it's neck right in front of me.  (This could be why I didn't eat chicken for many, many years.)  "Dumplings," she stated matter-of-factly.

I know me.  I'd try and make pets out of them.  The dogs would want to chase them.  The cats would want to kill them.  The fox and coyote would come to Erin's Meat Market specializing in chicken....

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My friend, Diana, has wonderful chickens.  She named them after her friends.  Erin, the chicken, was doing well the last time I checked.  Diana's love for her chickens is the only reason I even think about chickens.  Her chickens have personalities.

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Have you ever seen a miniature horse up close?  Now, that appeals to me.  And goats....goats are tricky....but they could eat the grasses besides the creek.

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As Nancy Reagan would say, "Just say, "NO!"

Home Visits-- Time to Clean Up Our House

If you are going to be an effective educator, those in charge speak of home visits.

hahahahahaha

I have been on home visits.  I usually had the police with me.

The parents usually weren't real thrilled to have me there.

I usually wasn't too keen on it either.

BUT, THAT BEING SAID:

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We need to have school systems where people know each other.

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We need systems where the parents know and trust the teachers and the teachers know and trust the parents.

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It seems like lots of time is spent posturing on "Who is right?" instead of "What's right?"

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Hey, Mom!  Hey, Dad!  Don't go quoting what your four-year old tells you about what the teacher did....this same child tells us that he has magical powers and he can fly at night and that you sit around in your underwear and make beer ice cubes so your beer will stay cold without being watered down.

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There comes a time when we all need to move forward.  Period.

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There's no magic potion that helps us learn.  As Mary Michael and I enjoyed a weekend together, my sunshine, the light of my life, my princess.....did something inappropriate.  Sprinkling my furniture with apple juice TWICE  sent me straight from Nana to Principal.

"I'm cagey," she said.

"I'm mad," I said. "And you got your caginess from me. You're busted."

She learned that Nana will take the juice box away and that I'm smarter than the average bear.

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You can't have a city that moves forward without a school system that is moving forward.  As consolidation comes to fruition, it is time, for ALL of us to move forward.  God gives us some challenges, opportunities for growth, plain old problems, but he gives us a wonderful soul so that we can grow and change.

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Proverbs 24:20 for the evil man has no future; the lamp of the wicked will be put out.

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Medicine Woman

If you are coughing, the wisdom of the ages states that if you rub the bottoms of your feet with essential eucalyptus oil, you won't cough.

I have been barking like a seal that smokes 2 packs of Camels per day.

So, I went to a health food store and bought some eucalyptus oil.

Rubbed the bottoms of my feet.

Put on a pair of socks.

And I haven't coughed since.

Hmmmmmmm

ps I found the wisdom of the ages on the Internet.

Pulling Weeds

I was out in the back yard.  It's a rite of spring to rid one's garden of weeds.

I think that we should do this act in our lives as well.

Somethings that we tolerate (and even enjoy) might not be the best for us.

Many people start each  January 1 with a list of resolutions to do better, work harder, think smarter, be thinner, be richer, save more money, etc.

I am going to pull some of the weeds in my life.

1.  I am going to buy a pair of athletic shoes that fit.  The shoes that I'm wearing now were a gift.....that I got about ten years ago.....they looked great.....about ten years ago.  I can't say they ever really fit.

2.  Today, I'm going to clean the refrigerator and get rid of the old salad dressings that Bill and I don't use.  When my refrigerator is organized, I feel like my life is organized.  This one is a no brainer.

3.  I am going to send via the US Mail a project that has been on my desk for almost a year.  I mean to drop it by Central to one of my teacher friends everytime I go to town.  I'm a slacker.  No excuses.  I just procrastinated.  It has traveled at least 20,000 miles with me this year.

4.  I'm going to the garden and finish pulling some real weeds.

Speaking of weeds, have you watched the HBO show "Weeds"?  That Nancy is a hot mess.

Grow a Pair

Hmmmm.  Now that I have your attention, I want you to think about something.  Why are you inhabiting the earth?  Are you making the world a better place.  I mean right now.  What are you doing for mankind?

Are you picking up your own mess?

Are you taking care of yourself and your needs?

Do you clean up after yourself?

Do you help others by helping yourself?

Do you flush?

Do you help your husband find the tax return?

Do you cook for yourself?  Do you ever offer to help someone else cook?  How about cleaning up the kitchen?  Do something nice for the people you love?

Flash-- For the most part, NO one loves taking care of someone else's mess.  Be responsible for your actions.  

No one hops up and says, "Gee, I love how you left your picnic lunch on this table.  I really like picking up your trash in the park."

"Hey, I'm done with this pack of Krystals.  I don't want my car to be dirty.  I'm going to throw it out the window so that old woman can pick it up."

"Look, you dip sh*t, make sure you turn right in front of me so I can test my brakes and my heart at the same time.  I bet you didn't see my big old car with my lights on..."

"Cigarette butts are little.  I'll throw it over here in the grass and no one will find it."

Dog poop.  Enough said.

Turn signals....nah, for wimps.  Yep, I'm clairvoyant, I know where you're going.

No one means to have an accident.

I clean the ditches in front of the house.  Let me tell you, my average litterer eats Krystals, drinks Bud Light, smokes Camels, and enjoys Mountain Dew.  I get the work the ditches on a weekly basis and I am like an anthropologist studying my treasures.

So, I'm saying, TAKE CARE of YOURSELF by taking care of others.  You want to be tough?  Grow up-- Be responsible.

Well, Hi There!

Let's say..... I'm looking like a field hand, I've got my butter bean picking outfit on, and supper is baking in the oven.  My shoes have holes, my jeans have holes, my t-shirt is stained AND I'm out of milk. And I need milk with my meal.

This is a social dilemma....if I go to the grocery store looking like I do right now, I will see between two and eight hundred people who know me.  And they'll want to talk....and when they get home they'll call between 400 and 1600 people and start the conversation with, "She's really let herself go.  Bless her heart...."

If I clean up, I won't see a soul.  Not a soul would I see.

Hmmmmm!

Let's say my hair is a mess, I have dirt under my fingernails....and I just run to a convenience store to get some cat food at $7.96 per can.  I would see the pope.

The need for milk is overrated.

A Porch for All Seasons

Don't tell Bill, but the reason I fell in love with our house is the porch.  It had me at hello!  I walked up to see the house and only saw the porch.

It's a porch made for living.  It's a porch made for family.  It's a porch made for healing.  I knew I needed this porch.
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The pollen has coated everything with a beautiful yellow dust.  Window sills, furniture, the cats....if you're outside, you have pollen.

It's supposed to rain this week.  I want to knit.  I want to knit on a clean porch.

So, that means I need to get the broom....the blower.....and go and just complete this task.

Nike:  Just do it.

Larry the Cable Guy:  Get 'er done.

Uncle Sam:  I want you.   (To come and sit on the porch.)

It's a place to enjoy the rain, the sound of the creek, and the bluebirds.  The newspaper is read out there.  Our morning coffee is enjoyed while rocking and watching the birds.  We check e-mail and my nightly phone conversation with mom is held on the porch.  Sometimes I'm wrapped up in a blanket, but the porch is THE porch.

I spend part of each day on the porch.  Mary Michael likes playing on the porch and I enjoy swinging  with her.

The porch is a work in progress.  AND remember, my former students, it's a process, not a product.
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I've found peace on the porch.  Bill and I sit and visit, laugh at the dogs, entertain the cats, and watch the bluebirds.  I joke about the circle of life....but I can remember Mike with joy when I'm sitting on the porch.  He would have liked it.  I know it.  I just know it.

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So, today I'm praying on the porch.  I would love to see the hate driven from the heart of people. The bombings in Boston have put a knot in my stomach.  Why?  Why would you want to hurt people you don't even know?  We all need to pray.  For kindness, for love, for working together, for understanding.  I heard a news commentator state that people started helping people immediately, they didn't ask if they were Republican or Democrat.  They just helped.

So maybe that's what we're supposed to do with the economy.  Just help.

Maybe that's what we're supposed to do with the schools.  Just help.

Maybe that's how we're supposed to live. Just help.

Dear Lord, I pray for your guidance and love as I learn to "just help."

Number Five-- Dumb Things I Have Done! (I put number six first! hahahahahaha)

I was going to be in my sister-in-law, Janie's, wedding in Houston, Texas.

I had some gray in my hair.

Soooooooo, I got a bottle of hair dye....kind of a reddish brown.....I was gonna look good!

I dyed my hair the day we got to Houston.  This didn't seem hard.  After all, I had dyed Easter eggs before.

I didn't put the plastic gloves on.   I finished-- my hair looked great-- my hands looked like Clifford the Big Red Dog.  I looked down at my hands.  I looked at my hands again.  I washed my hands.  I washed my hands again.

My hands had turned bright red.  Those plastic gloves are a very important part of the process.  Note to self:  Always wear the plastic gloves.

Another note to self:  Always read the instructions FIRST.

A sweet housekeeper at the big, fancy hotel poured bleach over my hands until most of the dye came off.  I cut my "red" fingernails short.

One should never try to be something you are not.



  I am not a hair dyer.  I am barely a hair dryer.

6th In a series of Stupdity

I got a pair of feral kitties.  They were brother and sister.

Did you know that cat's don't have any social stigmas about incest?

Well, I didn't know that.

I thought my cats would be above all that.


They weren't.

Hahahahahahaha

And the cats begat cats......

Bob Barker had it right......have you pet spayed or neutered.......immediately.

My Fu Man Chu Mustache

Carol Keys, who is my clone, promised me today that she would make sure that I didn't have a mustache when I live in the nursing home.

I think I just need to have it lasered off and not worry about it.

Carol would be true to her word.

She's the person that banned me from wearing tube socks to work.  She set me down and we had the talk....time to get with the 2000's.  It's not the 1980's.  NO TUBE Socks....not even under my jeans.

Jeans....no mom jeans.  Time to buy a pair of jeans.  No mom jeans....no tube socks, ever!

I don't want to be the lady with the FuManChu mustache.....wearing tube socks in mom jeans.

Dumb Things I've Done-- Four in a Series of Millions

Dr. Oz said that if I ate Coconut Butter on my toast, the fat would melt from my hind quarters like a pig on a spit over a open bed of charcoal.

Coconut Butter is the next "thing."

ha ha ha

It was like  eating suntan lotion for breakfast.

If you want to simulate this-- just pour some Coppertone on your baked potato.

Wrong.  This is so wrong.

I Wanna Live in a Beach House

What makes a beach house so fun?  It is not cluttered.  It has puzzles.  It has books.  It is not cluttered.  It has utensils that you use.  Lamps for reading.  It is not cluttered.  Chairs for sitting.  A television for watching.  Rockers for rocking.  Binoculars for bird watching.  Bird feeders.  It is not cluttered.  It is made for different people to move in and out of with a minimum of fuss and bother.

It's all about the people living, loving and laughing in the house.

Huh?  Well, this makes sense.

No fuss.  No muss.  Easy to clean.  Easy to live in.  My new decorating manta.  No fuss.  No muss.

A vacation each and every day-- really?  Yep. That's my goal.

I have taken hundreds of loads of "stuff" to Goodwill.  I am still cleaning and going through my treasures.  Does it fit?  Would I wear it?  Would the kids let me wear it?  No more tube socks-- they have been banned from my wardrobe (right Carol?).

My closet has changed.  I have some play clothes.  I have my outdoor clothes.  I need to find a good dress....as my grandma once said, "You need to have something to get buried in."

Pass the sunscreen.

Rudeness

Geez, are people getting ruder with my old age?  Or am I just getting pickier?   AND I am not talking about kids and teens.  I am tired of middle aged to old people being in a hurry and cutting in line.  In fact most kids and young adults act better than people my age.

Frankly, I'd like to give them detention with Modestine Ivy or Peter Christensen in charge of the detention hall.

Maybe I should start carrying discipline referrals and handing them out randomly to jerks?

The DOT has signs saying "Merge Left,  Lane Closed Ahead."  Some jerk drives straight to the front of the line and wants to cut in.  NO.  You are not special.   NO.  Everyone is busy.  NO.  You are the fastest, bestest driver in the world.  NO.  You think you are clever.  NO.  You really should go to the back of the line.

The bank has little ropes so that people can move in order and hear the nice ladies say, "May I help the next person in line?"  You are either so busy talking on that pink cell phone or you are just plain stupid when you breeze past the sweet little lady in the wheelchair who has been waiting so patiently...yep, I'm the one who told you to go to the back of the line....no cutting.

Does it hurt to be that stupid?

People should not fart in restaurants.  I'm not saying you might not have to fart.  But, I think you should excuse yourself and go to the restroom.  OR go outside.  And don't laugh....no one thinks it's funny.  (I did read somewhere that people love to smell their own smells-- do you think that's true?)

Just call me Emily Post.

Does Bruno Mars eat Snickers?

Or does he exclusively eat "Mars Bars?"

Hmmmmmmm.

Bad Boss

I've been lucky in my professional life.  I really only had one immediate supervisor who was a fool.  It was one of my first jobs as a teacher and he was the head of our building.  He was stupid and he had power.  That, dear readers, that is a deadly combination.  It was in another state, in another time, in another life....but stupid transcends time and place.

I can accept powerful people if they're smart.  Now, for you purists, I'm not only talking book smart.  I'm talking street smart.  If you can improve my teaching by being a better educator than I am, well, I'll listen to you.  If you want me to be your puppet just to see me dance, I can promise BAD Erin will emerge.  And bad Erin is, well, bad Erin.

My Bad Boss-- He was stupid with a Capital ST!  He sent out letters with misspellings.  He called faculty meetings with nothing to discuss, present, or announce.  He was a part-time PE teacher and the teachers caught him playing tag with the children in the gym in the dark.  He was a dullard.  He was a power hungry jackass.  He was 27 years old and one of the youngest in the building-- I was the  youngest.

He told one of my sweet 6th grade girls to shake off an arm injury after a particularly rowdy softball game.  Her arm was broken-- I could tell it by looking at it.  That was when I had enough.  I called the girls' mother to find out if she wanted me to call an ambulance or if she wanted to come and get her.  Folks, I drew the line in the sand.  War had been declared....young teacher against stupid.

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It went from bad to worse.  I have a wonderful knack of catching people. (Note to self:  It is such a good skill, I should put it on my resume.)  AND I have an even better knack of acting wide-eyed and innocent when I do catch someone.  (You Central kids thought I was naive-- I was just fishing for what you would or wouldn't tell me as an assistant principal-- I especially enjoyed asking some young people, "What would you use a water pipe for?"  I know you thought I really believed you when you said some people smoke tobacco in them. I nodded wisely and told you thank you.)

Sidebar:  Whenever someone was suspected of smoking dope, I ate Cool Ranch Doritos in front of them.  For an old, white woman, I was fly.  If the student started drooling.....you probably know the rest of that story....

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So, when the building head couldn't be found the day the 6th grade boy brought the bag of marijuana to school (with enough weed to supply the entire school and the science teacher said the street value could buy a small farm), the teachers followed the chain of command.  We looked for him.  We asked his secretary.  There was too much marijuana to mess with this one.  We needed to report this pronto.  So, we called his boss.  The boss looked for him. The sheriff came.  The sheriff looked for the dolt (building head).  Everyone was looking for him.  No bad boss around.

Alas, at the end of the day, just like a child who has cut school, the dolt returned for dismissal.  He said he had been to the library.  He never came back to our building.  

So, to the dolts out there, consider this is a warning.  I am looking for you.  I will find you-- wide-eyed and innocent.  AND I will cut you off at the knees.


(Well, this is a sunshiny little post.)

Dumb things that I have done-- Third in a Series

Once upon a time--

I got a new pair of contacts.  I loved them.  I could sleep in them.  I went outside to work in the yard.  I raked and blew the old leaves with my blower.

I got pollen under my contacts but I didn't know that.  I couldn't get the contacts out that night BUT that was okay.  These new contacts were designed to be slept in.

I am a fool.

The next day my eyes were the size of bulging tennis balls.  I tried to teach.  My graduate students sent me home because they didn't like looking at me.  I didn't like looking at me.

The eye doctor told me I had made a bad decision.  I don't think I've raked since that day.