Going Quackers

I lead a normal life.

I try to follow all traffic rules.  I work at keeping the Ten Commandments.  I try to treat others as I want to be treated.  I think I want the life of June Cleever or maybe the Momma from the Waltons.  No such luck!

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I am having a quiet afternoon.......AFTER HAVING THE CRAZIEST MORNING I'VE HAD IN A LONG, LONG TIME!

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As a retired Nana, I was visiting Molly, Mary Michael, and Sally on this rainy Wednesday morning.  Molly went upstairs to take a shower and Sally and I were reading a book.  Mary Michael was watching Willie Wonka in the living room....Sally and I were curled up with Charlie, the brave Golden Retriever, in the kitchen in front of the big kitchen fireplace.

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Sally and I were talking about a picture that had a lake with three ducks swimming on it.

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"Wouldn't it be fun to have a pet duck in the house?" I innocently asked her.

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Within minutes I heard something falling down the chimney....a thud, thud, thud, thud, thud and something big came out  of the chimney within four feet of Sally and me.  Charlie jumped up, started  barking and chased it.  I was not making eye contact with whatever it was. (Even in times of emergency I thought about National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation when Snots chases the squirrel through the house.)  I threw Sally over my shoulder, grabbed Mary Michael with my free hand as we raced through the living room and fled for the second floor.  It was just like a tornado or fire drill...the reptilian part of my brain kicked in and I was getting the heck out of Dodge!   And I was taking my two bundles of responsibility with me.

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We charged into the master bedroom....I shut the door and secured the premises with an afghan blocking any entry under the door.  The three of us stood outside of the bathroom door and shouted at Molly.,.,...."There's a squirrel in the house.  Mommamamamamamamma. I am not going downstairs.  Help us all. Something fell out of the chimney.  "  We were a cacophony of crazy.  Then Charlie started barking at the bedroom door.  He didn't want to be left with the thing either.

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I don't do "things" in the house.  FYI

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We called Brad who was at work.  A simple plan was formulated.  We were to do something.

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Molly crept out of the bedroom door and peaked over the railing to the foyer.  "It's a big bird.  I see feathers."  (It's a bald eagle, I thought. Turkey vulture.  Condor.  Great horned owl. ) She came back.

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Molly went over to the window.  "It's too high, I can't jump out."   We looked at each other and howled with laughter.  Hey, welcome to our family.  If crap is happening and you don't know what to do....laugh.  "Okay, I'll sneak downstairs.  Open the door.  Go over to Mr. Lee's and hope that he's home.  He's a competitive hunter.  He can help." Molly left with Charlie right behind her.---down the stairs, out the front door--right into the pouring rain.   Mary Michael, Sally and I once again barricaded ourselves in the bedroom. "Good luck, Honey." I shouted through the closed door to the sounds of Molly's footsteps.

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Sally started to tell me about Mr. Lee's lawnmower.

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Within minutes Mr. Lee arrived with a net and captured the thing.  It was a female duck.  It was a hen.  Have you ever heard about a duck falling down a chimney?  I thought not.   We have adventures on Wednesdays.

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Time Hop is one of my favorite applications on my telephone.  One year ago today, I was in Boston Common-- riding on the mother duck from Make Way for Ducklings.    You're right-- I can't make this stuff up.  I am going quackers....and I am enjoying the trip.  

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen or Anyone Else for that Matter

I was talking with Molly about the sleeping habits of the family the other day when our kids were young.  We weren't a real "regular" sort of group.  At anytime,  you could find one of us wandering like a nomad.  Seriously, 811 Winchester Circle had someone awake 24 hours per day most of the thirty years we lived there.  Bill would work late, I'd work early.....a child would be hungry....a dog would want out.  A cat fight would be going on in the bushes....Mike and I would be watching the Waltons in the middle of the night.  It was a house of expandable bedtimes.

At one point in our life, I nicknamed us the Wandering Weavers.

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My hee-bee-gee-bee's used to come regularly at about 2:00 a.m.  You might say that this is when I get the yips of life.

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In the middle of the night, my mind would race....foolish, foolish races!  Like a blast from the past, this week I woke up thinking about Mary Michael taking these "Milestone" tests.  FYI....she's not even in kindergarten.  Then, I wondered who would ask her to prom....or if she would ask someone.   Then I wondered if there would even be such things as prom....I hadn't been up in the middle of the night for a long, long time.  I don't want to start these crazy nights again...but this one journey into my mid-night ramblings brought back tons of memories.

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One night I thought about an employee of Bill's from another life .  We lived in another state at the time.  She woke up in the middle of the night and had to go to the bathroom.  She went in and my gosh....there was a big snake in the toilet bowl.  No lie!  I don't remember what she did.--why don't I remember what she did when she found the big snake?   Flash forward 35 years.  I got to thinking, could snakes crawl up and get in our toilet bowl?  Then I had to go to the bathroom.  Then I thought, what am I going to do if there's a snake in the toilet?  Then I thought, then I thought, then I thought....

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I have thought about tornadoes.  Tomatoes.  Money.  Toledo, Iowa.  Tortellini.  Italy.  Venice.  Water.  The creek.  Molly. Mike. Dan. Bill.  All of the other family members.  Bushes.  My childhood friends.  Their families.   State Center.  Work.  AND if the milk is sour.  You name it...I've probably had a worry about it.  Teenagers.  Murder trials.  Broken hearts.  Broken promises.

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"Turn it off!"  Easier said than done in the wee small hours of the morning.

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My mother's mother used to say to not waste time worrying about things you can do nothing about.  AND if you were worried about something you can change, you better change it.

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I'm fortunate.  My molehills aren't mountains right now.  I have been exercising more.  Eating better and therefore, sleeping better.  I'm trying to change those things I can change.  I love my family and friends.  "Good night, John Boy!"

Sardines in the Can

Last week on the Today Show Jeff Rossen did an investigative report on getting out of an airplane crash alive.  Hmph!  He did lots of things wrong they said.  Hey, he got out, didn't he?  That seems like a good start.

Remember:
1.  Don't open the door until the flight attendant tells you to
2.  Don't take your personal belongings
3.  Don't inflate your life vest while on the plane

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I watched a video on the evening news last night about exiting a plane in the case of an emergency.  The airlines were testing their seating arrangements and getting all of the people off the plane in 90 seconds or less. The president of the flight attendants was concerned because it is unrealistic.
No lie.  The people in the test DID NOT mirror the folks on our flight back from San Francisco on Monday.  We were packed on that plane like sardines.  We were the outliers that the flight attendants would be worried about....fat, old, infirm, and cynical.

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Have you ridden in a plane lately?  Hey, I'm not talking to you business folks.  You all get this.  I'm talking to the kiddos back in row 37.  Looking around our flight back from California at 11:00  p.m. we weren't spring chickens.  My gosh, we were a motley crew.
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1.  People on the video were climbing over seats.  Ha.  I couldn't stand up to get over the seat.  Old Erin needs to train for that event.  But, none of the people in front of me or in back of me would have been crawling over seats either.  Stuck!

2.  People in the video were taking turns.  Ha!  The flight attendant asked if we could please let the thirty people off the plane first who had connecting flights.  She had those poor souls raise their hands and the rest of us all nodded our heads, "Yes, we would do this." (At 11:00 p.m.  I wouldn't wish a delayed flight on anyone. )  However,  there were some jackals that forgot....five minutes, they forgot. (These are the same people who buy all their Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve and complain about lack of selection.)

3.   I watch the safety video.  I want to be a good passenger.  The flight attendants are so kind to me.  I really don't fly often enough to know the rules of the road (or the sky, as the case might be).  I do appreciate an extra cookie.  (That's why I can't reach my purse....too many cookies!)  Thank  you though!

4.  Don't take your personal belongings if you have to exit the plane in an emergency?  Ha!  That's a joke.... I didn't have room to bend over and get my purse.

5.  If I can't reach my purse, I sure as heck can't get to the life vest.  The three people in my row were like sardines in a can....and Bill's row was worse.

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Son Dan was flying back from Miami to Atlanta about a month ago.  The plane lost communication with .....everyone.  So, the flight attendant took Dan and another guy and taught them everything you might want to know about an "emergency landing" in about two minutes.  The theme was open the door  and get out--if something happened to the flight attendant-- grab them and go.   Dan said this landing was discerning....all types of emergency vehicles met their plane and Hartsfield had shut down all of the airspace except for their plane.  YIKES!  The plane landed and our family learned lots about how to slide down the slide if forced to evacuate a plane.

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So, if I am involved in a plane crash.... I think it's going to be a crap shoot.